Nope, not a World Destruction reference! Instead it’s a reference to… Well, to an actual bear, and not to a diminutive, alcoholic, eyepatched teddy bear adventurer.
Yeaaaaah. Aren’t you dying to know how that came to pass? Clicky clicky!
Whoever’s thinking up Koihime Musou‘s plotlines these days is one wacky bloke with a stream of consciousness-like sense of consistency. Here, let me try to explain this week’s plot, though after the following picture, you might very well stop caring anyway:
The episode begins with Wen Chou and Yan Liang barging in on Yuan Shao taking a bath. The urgent news: they’ve found a map to a secret treasure hidden in the forest! Yuan Shao is already rich beyond measure and has all her needs catered to by a throng of servants, so she’d be within her right to scoff and pass up the opportunity to wander aimlessly (since the map is incomplete) for a few more shiny trinkets, but in Koihime Musou‘s world this would be much too rational a decision. So out goes the trio of bimbos! Wearing matching explorer hats too.
Meanwhile, Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, Zhuge Loliang, and Sun Ce (where did everyone else go?) come to a dire realization: they stink. As in, body odor, not as anime characters, of course. They head to the nearest hot spring baths and bump into Cao Cao and her posse; to everyone’s disappointment, however, the hot springs have dried up(?), and therefore our heroines must improvise in their quest to restore a proper feminine fragrance to their lithe, supple bodies!
Sweet Jesus, just take me now.
This finally leads us to the bear, with whom Sun Ce has a close encounter, before Zhang Fei realizes… this is her childhood bear pal Lala with whom she used to play! And take baths! Or, as it turns out, not, which leads to sequences lifted straight out of a Looney Tunes cartoon where the bear pursues every group of girls in turn.
Miscellaneous reminders from Koihime Musou episode 09:
- Having a bear voiced by an underpaid, untalented voice actor who’s phoning it in the way your six-year-old brother would voice a bear is totally fuckin’ hilarious.
- The threat of “hot springs” and “Cao Cao” together is enough to make me break into a foreboding sweat. It’s bad enough when she’s around clothed females, but then, put her and half a dozen other naked girls in a jacuzzi and… Wait, nothing happens? Huh. How queer. Or non-queer, haha.
- Well, nothing, except for a good old-fashioned boob-off, which is why Guan Yu is covering her younger companions’s eyes above. Which brings me to…
- Zhou Yu. We are afforded our first glimpse of the famous Wu advisor in the preview for next week’s episode, and upon sight, the first thought that crossed my mind was, what’s the correlation between breast size and advisor intelligence? Zhuge Loliang, Xun Yu, and Jia Xu were all flat as ironing boards — as they should be, since the first two look at best like they’re twelve years old — but Zhou Yu packs the sort of gigantic bullet-shaped breasts that bring cruise missiles to mind.
- 3 more episodes and then it’s over? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.