Or, if you’re a fan of alternate titles: And Then The Yuri Started.
WARNING: NEITHER HISTORICALLY ACCURATE NOR SAFE FOR WORK
I won’t bother telling you to click below to read more, because, well… You’re probably already doing so with palmfuls of sweat.
Artistic license can be a very powerful tool. Sometimes, though, artistic license has a bit too much to drink and, on the way home from the pub, it throws up a Koihime Musou episode where Cao Cao orders Xun Yu to lick parts of her body that no advisor with over 90 Intelligence should have to lick.
Alas! I was rather hoping Koihime Musou would keep a tight rein on its lesbian undertones. Sadly there’s no way to misinterpret Cao Cao’s intentions when she’s shivering in pleasure at the touch of Xun Yu’s tongue on her armpit, or when she’s wrist-deep in Guan Yu’s nether regions. (She ain’t playing curling down there, trust me.)
But I’m getting ahead of myself once more. The “plot” in this episode consists of Ma Chao encountering Cao Cao in town and attempting to avenge Cao Cao’s murder of her father, Ma Teng. She fails and Cao Cao captures her with the aid of her trusty general, Xiahou Dun. So far we’re in the realm of historical accuracy; but the episode quickly shatters the illusion when Cao Cao proposes a deal to Guan Yu. If the latter will “serve” (read: sleep with) her, she’ll release Ma Chao. And so we are treated to a scene where a naked and apprehensive Guan Yu lies in bed as Cao Cao disrobes, jumps into bed with her, and starts, uhm, you get the idea. The blanket leaves little to the imagination anyway.
Giving Cao Cao a licking fetish? Fair enough. There’s dozens of girls in the show. One of ‘em has to be stuck in the oral phase. Having her request that her subordinates lick the sweat off her feet after a horse ride? Entering disturbing territory. Working the camera angle and sound effects so it looks as if Xun Yu’s licking considerably upstream of Cao Cao’s feet? WOAH WAITTAMINUTE THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR.
I'm scared too. Hold me.
Color me utterly disappointed. Here I was scolding Strike Witches because its underage protagonists liked to grab handfuls of one another’s chests while extolling the virtues of Koihime Musou as an example a safer, campy show that doesn’t take itself seriously. And wham! In one episode Koihime Musou has rocketed ahead in the race towards the yuri finish line. Sigh. We did catch a glimpse of Dong Zhuo as a slender, white-haired woman, but Zhuge Loliang (haha, God I crack me up) has yet to appear to guide the Tigress Generals, and that added to my disappointment.
I do wonder how the show will deal with other events from the book (Cao Cao’s tryst with Guan Yu was a retelling of how the latter served the former for a while and helped defeat Yuan Shao). Time for a good old-fashioned brainstorm!
- The Battle of the Red Cliffs, a large-scale naval battle in Southern China where Wu and Shu allied to defeat Wei’s million-man army.
Koihime Musou version: WATER PARK EPISODE. Swimsuits, dolphins, and cotton candy all make an appearance. A swimsuit contest decides the winner.
- Xiahou Dun loses an eye in a duel with a general under Lu Bu’s command.
Koihime Musou version: Unfortunate eyelash-curling incident.
- Cao Cao defeats Yuan Shao’s northerm army after a month-long strategic stand-off.
Koihime Musou version: I don’t want to go into details, but it involves a fist, a banana, and twenty feet of rope.
-Mr. K
Today’s Karen is: WTF
The big difference between the anime and a retelling of RTK is that there is no Liu Bei, or Ryuubei in Japanase. Without the legendary Eldest Brother of the Peach Garden Trio, there is little to link all the disparate RTK events together.
Anyway, the Koihime series is only 12 episodes long, so bear with it…. Just fyi, Xun Yu’s intel in RTK 11 is 95 i believe. Xun You is 90.
GASP!?!? RTK 11?!?!? Only heathens use that as a source. All the true hardcore RTK gangstas take their figures straight from the best video game of all time, Romance of the Three Kingdoms III: Dragon of Destiny for the SNES!
I’ve written elsewhere about Liu Bei’s absence and its importance. I don’t believe it will have a major impact on the series: after all Koihime Musou started as an eroge with Liu Bei as the protagonist. Removing him as a figurehead won’t affect the personal conflicts or the overarching storyline.
I’m actually getting out of bed to type this.
Personally, Koihime Musou has nothing to do with RTK. If anything, only their names are the same, and any similar events in the anime are purely coincidence. Koihime Musou is simply about a bunch of girls from some alternate history.
I absolutely loved the (eroge) game. Great story and great fun, especially if you get the harem ending. But other than that, I myself do not look for any ties to events in the RTK.
I *am* howerver, pleasantly surprised with this episode and Cao Cao (or as I prefer, Karin (and the same for all the other characters: Aisha instead of guanyu/kanu, Rinrin instead of zhangfei/chouhi))’s appetite for gals (well, it was also in the game, but I thought they’d have changed it completely in the anime).
Serious RTK fans better stay away from this anime/game; for everyone else who likes yuri + harem (without a male lead… although the OP does show a brief moment of a male figure in a snow storm… wonder what foreshadow that might be), Koi Hime (anime) seems like an interesting series.
Jayars:
It’s an interesting take. But consider the following two points.
1) You can’t say the series has nothing to do with RTK besides the names. Koihime Musou has definitely borrowed the RTK storyline — and then mauled it a bit by replacing men with girls, taking Liu Bei out, etc. But it’s still essentially a similar story.
Of course it can’t have the same moral, or the exact same developments, but the characters’ personalities and a general frame of reference are similar. If they weren’t, I couldn’t watch the unsubbed Japanese raw and understand what’s happening as I’ve been doing for the past three episodes. :)
2 ) I liked it better when it was simply “RTK with girls”. It was funny in a twisted, campy way. Now that it’s become “A bunch of girls lick each other”, I’ve lost my initial connection to the show, and to tell you the truth, I have no interest in watching anime porn slapped with a thin veneer of historicity. The change is too far out and left-fieldish.
Korasoff:
lol. From my personal experience, I’ve been bitten enough times to say that even if a story seems to be borrowing from another, there’s no guarantee (nor obligation) for it to turn out the same/similar all the way till the end. Hence, I never expect them to, and instead, judge each story on its own merits. My take on story-writing nowadays is that all stories are derived from one another. Some derivation stay similar, while others diverge greatly.
As for Koi Hime Musou, I’d say that they’ve borrowed the names and some events, and that’s about it. It’s not another interpretation of the RTK, nor is it changing anything. Instead, it’s a standalone story in a universe where the norm attire is based on ancient chinese designs, and everyone speaks japanese, and only female warriors have ridiculously big breasts and wear mini skirts and garter belts. Any relations to RTK is merely a gimmick (in my opinion), and its target audience seems to be leaning towards people like me, instead of RTK lovers.
Judging it by its own merits, the art is pretty nice with nice vibrant colours, though fighting scenes looked a little awkward. I love the seiyuus, except for Rinrin. Character designs are different enough to separate and identify them from one another, and the characters were definitely designed to moe the hell out of moe-ticons.
in a nutshell? I don’t see any RTK in Koihime Musou. The characters are a bunch of girls whom I recognise as Aisha, Rinrin, Karin, Keifa, Shunran, etc, and not guan yu, zhang fei, cao cao, etc. And finally, I find the yuri/dominatrix element that’s instilled in Karin’s personality a nice treat. Definitely my cuppa tea.
cheers!
I had a hard time watching the anime butcher the images and personalities of the people from RTK and the “historical” events, that I decided to just pretend the anime is a wild coincidence of names. Koihime is so much more enjoyable after I ignored all the RTK references.
LOL @ Jayars + Yi
Parody is SERIOUS BUSINESS.
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